"What the Heck" by Cooper Brain

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Cooper could hardly contain his enthusiasm. The rumors had been spread all through out the ship. It was one of the most important things about being in the military going back hundreds of years. For Cooper it was even more important seeing as how he had been going through tough times as of late. Of course he was talking about Mail call.

The delivery of messages from home was somewhat different for Cooper, seeing as in there was a huge delay between the time the letter was written and the time he received it. His wife would write a letter to him and send it to an Air Force Base in Colorado, where she believed he was stationed. That base would then forward the letter to the SGC where it would be shipped through the gate to Farpoint station. After it was searched and sorted it was already, in most cases, a month old.

Cooper was excited; he hadn't received any letters in three months. His anticipation of a letter or a care package had kept him up nights, and also began to create him enemies of the other pilots because he simply refused to stop talking about how he hadn't received anything and he wondered what was wrong. The only thing that had caused him to stop bugging his companions was the threat of a beating from Andy, Jess and Sky.

Cooper made his way to the mail room. Ordinarily mail was delivered to your barracks but Cooper couldn't that long. He wanted his mail now and he couldn't be delayed.

Once he reached the mail room he saw that several other people had the same idea. There were at least 45 people outside the Mail room waiting for packages. Cooper didn't want to wait that long and he devised a plan. He hurried back to his room and grabbed his secret weapon which was hidden in a sock in his footlocker.

He returned to the line and nonchalantly mad his way through the crowd to the approximate front of the line with his "weapon" stashed in his uniform shirt. He then stood up on a makeshift platform and said, "Ladies, gentleman and whatever else we have here, I need you to make one straight line, let's get a little more organized here shall we." As he ended his speech he put his hand to his mouth, acting as though he was going to be sick. He made a horrible sound and bent over and unleashed his secret weapon all over the floor, he had poured out a can of cream of mushroom soup that had come in his last care package, and put it all over the floors in front of the mail room. The sight itself was enough to have all those waiting in the newly formed line leave the area disgusted. From what Cooper could see and hear, there were several people who were close to vomiting themselves.

After the crowd has dispersed Cooper looked around to make sure the coast was clear. He walked into the mail room and asked for his mail. The corporal behind the counter looked for a second at the apparent vomit stains on Cooper's uniform and decided not to mention it. He dug through a pile for a minute and finally withdrew a package. Cooper thanked the corporal, then went to his room, exuberant with his prized possession that was now in his clutches.

As Cooper looked down at the package his happiness quickly came to an end when he saw the name on the front of the package.

"I can't believe this crap." Cooper said out loud and threw the package away in disgust.

One look at the package was all someone needed to see why Cooper's mood had changed the address on the front read.

Lt. C. Brian
421 Wallaby Way,
Sydney Australia

Then Cooper said to himself, "And to think, I wasted my last can of soup on this."